heybarmold (heybarmold) wrote in random_ranting,

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One of my many theories...

I've got a theory...

Ok, so I'm probably gonna tread some thin ice on this blog. I've got it written up complete in my noggin, I just don't know if the translation into words will do it justice and make it seem less offensive. I hope I don't offend anyone. Actually, I don't really care. I'll try not to. Actually, I can't promise I'll try. But I'll try to try.

Girls. What is it with these people?? You know, I do think of girls as people in there own right. And in many ways... they are. However, sometimes you just have to wonder. Its just these little things in life where you wonder if maybe you're about to get punk'd. I swear, one of these days Ashton Kutcher is going to come out, probably on Oprah or something, jump up on a couch and we'll all kinda understand what's going on.

I think that girls are secretly cold blooded reptiles.

Seriously. Cold blooded.

I mean this in the most literal way. They're very warm, loving, caring creatures. They're incredible. They complete our lives, they're beautiful, they do pretty much run society, and they have hearts of gold. Except these golden hearts are pumping out cold blood.

You know how you'll be chillin with a girl, watching a movie or something. You're inside, you're out of the sun, cuddling together, so you reach over like a P.I.M.P and take her hand, and somehow manage to find the slab of ice that must have fallen out of the sky, like we get here in Oakland. And then you realize its her hand!!

Sick, dude. Girls hands and feet are always freezing cold. Doesn't matter where you are, what time it is, or what. Freezing cold, all the time. Seriously, its like they have to absorb heat from the sun to retain energy for their day, which could explain tanning, sunbathing, and extreme grumpiness during cold cloudy winter months.

Dude, think about it. Cold blooded creatures are much more active in warm climates than cooler climates. So when it gets cold here in California, you know, like mid 50's, girls throw on their parkas, scarfs, hats, mittens, and that awful skirt and fuzzy ugg boot combo, and then sit down while we serve them hot chocolate, so they can conserve their body energy. But in the summer, it's always shorts, a shirt and flip flops and these girls are all over the freakin' place. They've got energy to spare. We can't keep up with em. I'm telling you the truth!! It's because cold blooded reptiles take the temperature of their surroundings.

Oh, and check this out. Cold blooded creatures turn most of their food energy directly into body mass. And girls always tell me that when they eat chocolate or sweets it goes straight to their hips, thighs, or derierre. How much more proof do you need?

How about this: It's a well known fact that women don't sweat. They don't cool down through water evaporation like us humans. Women "glow." Hmm, which is interesting cause cold blooded reptiles don't sweat either!! They cool off by seaking shade, opening their mouth and changing their skin color. Kinda like how girls like to cool down after they start glowing by lying under an umbrella and open their mouths to eat the grapes we feed them. Or by runnin their mouths non stop. Maybe that's why girls tend to talk alot sometimes. They're not just talking. They're sweating!!! And they warm up by lying in the sun. So every time I got to the beach, girls are always tanning, soaking in the sun's energy while they can so they can save it for later. Meanwhile, the guys are running around in the sand sweatin it up.

Like mammals. That's why you call us dogs and pigs I'm assuming. And that's probably why we refer to some of you as snakes. And it could explain why you all love turtles so much.

We're animals. And you're reptiles.

And we love you thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss much!!!
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